We hear a lot about sexism in toys (Black Widow and Gamora from the Marvel superhero franchise being left off of merchandise of their respective groups, the Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy for example). Shockingly, and sometimes disgustingly, it is our children who really feel the weight of sexism.
What we don't talk about is that this idea of gender roles in toys is the fact that 9 times out of 10, it's the parents who are uncomfortable with their boys playing with My Little Pony or their girls wanting to be superheroes.
I have witnessed several reactions to, in particular, boys and My Little Pony:
- Confusion: This parent seems to be confused as to why their boy likes something that's not "for boys". They take it in stride, for the most part, but seem to be fairly uncomfortable with it. Often these parents are surprised to find that their kid is interested in this, but not upset. This seems to happen most with older boys, and is the most common reaction I've seen.
- Acceptance: Surprisingly common, especially in parents of very young (2-5 y.o.) boys. Some of them seem to see it as a phase, others are genuinely pleased with it. The older boys' parents sometimes fall into this category but less often.
- Upset: This is kind of like the confused category, but less accepting. These are typically fathers of boys of multiple ages, generally older than 5. I've interacted with fewer of these parents, because the parents that are like this tend to nip any "girly" tendencies in the bud when their boys are 3 or 4, and by the time they get to grade school their kids are the ones making fun of the boys that like girly things, not the boys that like girly things. These parents don't ever get angry, they just seem very upset that their boy would, for example, choose a MLP temporary tattoo over a "boy" tattoo.
These are the 3 most common adult (in particular parents but counselors too) reactions to boys and MLP. There are subsets of these categories (confused parents that question their kids as to why, accepting parents that are into it too, etc.) but these are the main reactions.
Now on to the varying degrees of acceptance in the kids themselves. This is the most interesting to me, because I feel like the kids tend to be more accepting of boys liking "non boy things" once they've gotten to know me. I encourage kids to be accepting and to not call certain things "boy" or "girl" things as much as possible. For the most part, girls are less likely to define something as girly, but more likely to define something as for boys. Boys on the other hand, are the exact opposite. They more rigidly define something as girly, but aren't phased as much when girls like something that's "for boys". It varies among ages and personalities, but as a general rule in the samples I've been a part of, this has been the (initial) case.
With preschoolers, their ideas of what's girly and what's not is a lot less rigidly define as it is for grade schoolers, kindergartners care less than first graders and so on. By the time they get to about 3rd grade, they are more rigid in their opinions, though they often base these opinions on the adults in their lives .
Here is the acceptance levels I've seen from kids:
Now on to the varying degrees of acceptance in the kids themselves. This is the most interesting to me, because I feel like the kids tend to be more accepting of boys liking "non boy things" once they've gotten to know me. I encourage kids to be accepting and to not call certain things "boy" or "girl" things as much as possible. For the most part, girls are less likely to define something as girly, but more likely to define something as for boys. Boys on the other hand, are the exact opposite. They more rigidly define something as girly, but aren't phased as much when girls like something that's "for boys". It varies among ages and personalities, but as a general rule in the samples I've been a part of, this has been the (initial) case.
With preschoolers, their ideas of what's girly and what's not is a lot less rigidly define as it is for grade schoolers, kindergartners care less than first graders and so on. By the time they get to about 3rd grade, they are more rigid in their opinions, though they often base these opinions on the adults in their lives .
Here is the acceptance levels I've seen from kids:
- Rigid roles, no change, but no hate: These kids think it's weird/wrong but don't say anything to their peers. They won't change their minds, but they don't cause trouble. The only time I call these kids out is if they slip into the "bully" category and pick on kids for it. Otherwise, I let them know our opinions differ, but rarely try to actively change their opinion.
- Fluid roles: These kids might have had rigid boy/girl roles before, but because of the addition of another factor (their friend likes something outside the box, they spend a lot of time with me as their counselor) their minds get changed. Often, these kids will be the boys who decide they kind of like the male My Little Pony characters or think Olaf from Frozen is cool or the girls who decide they like female superheroes or Princess Leia. I don't ever intentionally try to get these kids to like these things, they just see their peers enjoying it and either feel left out and decide to give it a try, or were inclined to give it a try anyway and just use me/their friend(s) as an excuse. Their parents tend to be less rigid in general, especially with the boys.
- Bully: These kids refuse to accept anything that doesn't fit into their world. They pick on other kids for liking these things, and are generally cruel. These are the only kids whose actions I will actively attempt to change. Thankfully, I've rarely had gender-related bullying in my programs.
- Closeted Fans: These are the kids who like the thing they're not supposed to and try really really hard to hide it. I've had a kid tell me in confidence that he likes My Little Pony but doesn't want anyone to know because he's scared the other kids will pick on him. They might slip into the bullying category to try to cover up their actions, or just loudly protest about how much they hate (x thing). For example, the kid I mentioned punched my Princess Cadance necklace out of the blue once, and didn't explain why, just kind of mumbled about not liking her.
- Open fans: These are the kids that love what they love and don't let anyone change their minds. They might get picked on but they tend to either laugh it off, or more dangerously, bottle it up until it does bother them. For the most part though, Open Fans are very self-confident kids with very few self-esteem issues. I had one 5th grader last year who LOVED My Little Pony and wasn't afraid to let everyone know. He frequently referred to himself as a "Brony" and was in general a very funny and confident kid who rarely let things get to him. I had some other "bronies" who were open fan types, but who were more inclined to slide back into the closeted fan category when confronted.
Being not a parent or teacher, I can't do a whole lot to affect how kids think, only how they react to those thoughts. I wear my fandoms on my sleeve but never push them onto others.
